January 27, 2017
7 Things to Do When the World Ends
Yesterday, scientists set the Doomsday Clock to two-and-a-half minutes from midnight. The clock, which symbolically indicates how close humankind is to global disaster, crept half a minute closer to universal destruction because of rising nationalism around the world, comments by President Trump about the use of nuclear arms and his administration’s denial of climate change. Whether you believe we’re on the cusp of the apocalypse or you just like to live extravagantly, check out these fun activities.
Enjoy the view
From the Providence G Rooftop‘s elevated perch, sip a specialty cocktail or craft beer as you watch nuclear Armageddon rain down on the Creative Capital. With its great location in the middle of downtown, you’ll be able to see some of the city’s finest edifices, like the Biltmore and Superman building, obliterated in the blink of an eye. If mankind’s senseless destruction whets your appetite, try one of the specialty pizzas!
Go for a climb
At a whooping 812 feet, Jerimoth Hill in Foster is the state’s highest point. Drive or walk up this lofty mount as sea levels violently rise. Don’t exert yourself too much though! The air is thinner up there, after all. If you’d prefer a man-made escape, try the Hannah Robinson Tower in Narragansett. At forty feet tall, it should hold of rising sea levels for a while at least.
Watch the sunrise
Head on over to Sachuest Point to enjoy the miracle of nature’s beauty. As the first rays of a new dawn pierce through the mushroom clouds, ponder humankind’s dubious fate. See if you can spot some of the park’s rare critters, like the saltmarsh sparrow and New England cottontail. With the threat of human encroachment obliterated, these species just might see a comeback.
Eat a really good meal
When you’re fighting a bunch of mutants for a can of Spaghetti-O’s, you’re going to regret not eating well while you could. Indulge while you can! If you’d like some upscale seafood, try the scallops at Hemenway’s. For those hankering for comfort food (we don’t blame you), try Bucktown. Try one of the po’boys with a side of waffle fries or mac’ and cheese. It might be high in calories, but you’ll need them if you’re planning to outrun the mutant hordes.
Get your dose of culture
When civilization collapses, there’s not much room for arts and culture. For the next two weeks, 2nd Story Theatre is putting on the play Seascape, which tells the story of two humanoid sea creatures that are deciding whether or not to live on land. Perhaps the play will provide some philosophical guidance as you transition to life post apocalypse. At the very least it will keep you entertained for a couple of hours.
Buy a boat
It might sound like something you’d do in a mid-life crisis rather than an international crises, but but hear me out. If our planet’s fate is remotely similar to the plot of Waterworld, a boat will be vital to survival. Even if the continent isn’t subermerged beneath the sea, a boat is the perfect way to flee any nuclear wasteland. Fortunately, the Providence Boat Show is coming to town this February! Pick through countless motorboats, yachts and sailboats to find the vessel that will power you through the end of the world.
There’s no better time to hit the booze than the end of the world. Fortunately for us, Rhode Island has its fair share of breweries. Check out RI Monthly’s February issue for a comprehensive guide to local brews. A couple of the big names in our state’s craft beer scene include Foolproof, Revival and Bucket, although there are plenty more to check out. Make sure you call ahead; hours tend to change when it’s the end of times.